Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
