I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
