SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
