I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize