So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
