So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
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