you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
