We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Randomize
