Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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