He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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