I take back everything I said about communal showers
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
