he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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