i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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