I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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