this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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