it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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