I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
