Soap is not a condiment
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
