"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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