I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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