Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
