why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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