Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
