So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
