my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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