I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
