He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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