I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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