Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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