I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize