woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
