literally had 100 drinks last night.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
