i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
