dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
