Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
