you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
