so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Randomize
