i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
