Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
