Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Randomize
