she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
