y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
