Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
