Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
