I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
