Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
