Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Randomize
