The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
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