I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
