Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
