I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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