I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
