Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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