i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
