i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
