my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
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