so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize