i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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