dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
