Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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