just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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