I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize