Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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