I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
