So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
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