What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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